Sometimes what seems unnecessary to actually say really does need to be said! So say it anyway!
Are you becoming used to new ways of connecting with colleagues, friends and family? Are you noticing how the interactions are becoming different, abridged versions of what they were pre-Covid-19?
Conversations are more clipped, lacking flow in large video conferences and I notice that the beautiful gaps, pauses and silences that are part of an in-person connection have diminished. It is in these gaps where reflection and review take place; where sparkles of inspiration, intuition and insight shine; reflected noticing, assimilation and synthesis happen.
I have written in Simple Notes recently about the importance of feedback – structured and unstructured – and the paucity of such in remote-working situations, video conference calls, both in terms of verbal and the non-verbal. I challenged you to observe this in your world too and activate your greater feedback-game.
Without being together in an office we are missing a whole suite of cues and interactions, asides, light-hearted quips, noticing and acknowledging others with a nod, smile, smirk, bepuzzlement or glare, the stimuli to provide instant feedback and gratitude for the smallest of things that we may have done or said.
The absence of this flow of feedback can be insidious and like removing a key food group in a change in diet, it only gradually reveals the body’s response to the deficiency.
Now is the time to say what, at first, seems unnecessary.
Say thank you, more obviously and specifically.
Praise what you notice in other’s contribution.
State your appreciation for someone’s way of working.
Even the slightest mention of something of which you are aware now, more than ever, deserves to be spoken. Prevent the feedback-deficiency now – if it possibly could be said, then say it.
The simplest “thank you” often doesn’t get said but can deliver so much value to the receiver – for scheduling the meeting, setting up the video conference, sharing the notes, for offering an alternate view or simply for showing up!
Behaviourally some people need less feedback and often we don’t give it because we assume, from their assertive and self-assured manner, they don’t need it – say it anyway.
Some need the reassurance and affirmation that they are still valued and their work is noticed. They tend not to actively seek it- so don’t trigger it in others- but they need it. Even when they don’t ask, say it anyway.
And some need the clarity and confirmation of their accuracy and alignment to what is important. They also give off an air of quiet self-sufficiency and of not needing your feedback - say it anyway.
Perhaps, begin your next interaction with your team by sharing the 3 things you appreciate about them. They can be simple – don’t overreach, speak your truth. This could become your habit to take into #NewNormal!
The recipient may blush, may initially attempt to negate the positive comments, but in almost every case they will love hearing your words. Like an echo in an auditorium, the repeated deep resonance of your words will be heard again.
And as a personal bonus, it also feels good to deliver that feedback.
In “The Attitude Book” I make reference to the link between feedback and gratitude – the act of being thankful. This form of gratitude is so important right now as our relationships with colleagues, friends and even family are stretched by being unable to connect physically in the same ways.
Gratitude can:
• Enhance relationships, emotions, health, personality and career.
• Generate social capital faster than negativity – it makes us more likeable.
• Reduce our need for and reliance on materialism.
• Make us less self-centred (or even self-obsessed).
• Increase self-esteem.
Be the change, notice it, say it anyway.
And Keep it simple.
Simon
PS – If you enjoy and get value from these Simple Notes, I would hugely appreciate you sharing them with friends and colleagues, post a like and a comment. Thank you.
PPS – The Keep It Simple Book is being launched in Dutch later this month and as part of the promotion I will be delivering the SimplyEnergized Webinar with Richard Maddocks (author of The Energy Book) on Wednesday 24th June at 1200cet. There are 100 places and you’re invited www.simplyenergized.eu